“Since I have yet been able to master the art of communication, and I do not feel comfortable discussing my feelings with other people I started this journal. I had a nervous breakdown today and I believe this will be somewhat therapeutic for me.
… (edited for content) 🙂
My main problem is that I feel emotionally damaged. I always give, and give and give and when things don’t work out, I feel like pieces of my soul are lost forever because of it.
Today was interesting because I got to see Superbad with Chris. It was an awesome movie and it really made me want to change my name to McLovin. I am convinced that only good can come from that.
I want to start setting goals for myself. Here are some recent ideas:
1.) Learn to speak Polish fluently
2.) Lose 10-15 pounds, just to feel healthier and happier
3.) Smile more
The last one is most important to me. I want people to see me as a happy and positive individual and smiling always helps with gaining confidence and trust with new people. Being fluent in Polish is also important to me. I will sort of feel like I am letting my heritage go if I don’t even try and my family worked so hard to come to this country and provide a life for my parents and for me I really want to hang on to that.”
Yes, that was the Reader’s Digest version and I left out all of the juicy personal details but it is definitely a step in the right direction for me. Maybe I will build up enough confidence to one day feel better about putting the way I feel out there for everyone to see but this is just one little baby step at a time.