pixystixy

A healthy dose of daily randomness

Lunch time thoughts June 25, 2007

Filed under: Humor — pixystixy @ 1:56 pm

Sometimes I just want to take the day off, go on a date with Jenni’s husband and daughter and then go play Scrabble with my dad.

Damn.  I love Scrabble.

 

I have found this magical place June 22, 2007

Filed under: Conversations,Humor — pixystixy @ 11:31 pm

I have found the best webpage ever!

http://www.50scalling.com … the pass code is “your daily dose”

You can use it to call your friends … well, 50 Cent will call your friends on your behalf.  Try it.  It is fun,  I insist!

 

Definition – “Wigger” June 2, 2007

Filed under: Humor,Lists,Strange Observations — pixystixy @ 6:57 pm
1. wigger


 

A male caucasion, usually born and raised in the suburbs that displays a strong desire to emulate African American Hip Hop culture and style through “Bling” fashion and generally accepted “thug life” guiding principles.

Often characterized by his car, or “whip“: usually an econobox modified with at least twice the car’s book value in non-power producing modifications or an SUV with at least 5500 lbs. of curb weight. Traditional trucks can also qualify here, depending on locale (southern states’ percentages are higher). All vehicles are also mandated to have at least 19” chrome alloy wheels, regardless of make. The typical wigger is also characterized by a strong desire to adorn gold jewlery (especially heavy gold chains) and athletic warm up suits. All equipment and clothing will be paid for by the parents of the individual in question, or the parents of said individual’s “shorty” through the use of said shorty’s credit cards.

A general disposition of “hard” will be displayed among other wiggers and to kids around their neighbohood (usually labelled a ‘subdivision’ or ‘gated community’ due to its mass produced housing develoment origins). This disposition will immediately be dropped and replaced by a more typical “white boy” disposition when in the presence of actual African Americans ( with exceptions: Those whose origins trace to the suburbs being the most prominant.).

Wow, Tom’s 22″ wheels and his taste for flashy jewelry make him look like a real wigger.

 

Current feeling – Inadequate! Where is that one, damn it?! May 28, 2007

Filed under: Humor,Strange Observations,The "Feeler" theory — pixystixy @ 1:23 pm

So yes, in one of my previous postings I described how I only have one feeling at a time and how I should write a book about it and maybe invent a feeling chart so people can point at whatever feeling they have … apparently some moron already stole my idea. DAMN IT.

flngchrt_web.jpg

 

Life could be better if …

Filed under: Humor,Lists,Strange Observations — pixystixy @ 12:57 pm

Life could be about a billion times better if you could order your friends and loved ones like sandwiches. Here is my example of a boyfriend sandwich:

  • Fancy hair
  • Funny
  • Smart
  • Slightly scruffy and unkempt
  • Hold the disgustingly clingy behavior

And oh yeah, I definitely would like to get the extra value meal with the door openings and starter dinner and movie date. Can I get that super sized? =)

     

    … and I still did not get fired! May 25, 2007

    Filed under: Humor — pixystixy @ 5:37 pm

    One of my managers had been in the middle of printing things and I noticed her “Please Load Paper” light had came on.  I put one sheet of paper in her printer.  Then I left.  =)

    She got mad that only one page came out and the “Load Paper” light wasn’t on.  It was really funny.

    She found out I did that … but I didn’t get fired.

    I will have to try harder next time.

     

    The “MySpace” May 22, 2007

    Filed under: Humor,The MySpace Disease — pixystixy @ 8:41 pm

    Those who know me, know that I sort of thought the MySpace was an evil website.  Mainly because of it’s clever cover as a happy blog/networking site when it is actually a wonderful stalking tool.  I call it “the MySpace” because when you have one, it is sort of like having a social disease, in the sense that everyone is curious about it but doesn’t necessary want it.

    I had the MySpace a few years ago for about a month.  I found that it was fun talking to my friends and rediscovering people I had forgotten about but then when a couple of crazy people I didn’t like tried to “be my friend” I knew I couldn’t handle it.   I deleted my account and left it at that.

    Since then, I decided in April, I would give it another shot.  Someone taught me how to “block” people and it has been wonderful ever since.  Well … one exception.  It seems like all this creepy people keep trying to “friend” me.  People who just want to tell me about how they got a free Coach bag in the mail today and all they had to do was complete hundreds of surveys and sign up for a credit card, take a blood test, give out their social security number and order their pets medication online.  One girl keeps trying to tell me that my penis is too small and “cribgirfriends” lie … I don’t know what a “cribgirlfriend” is but I don’t have a small penis.  I actually don’t have a penis at all, but if I did I am sure I would be happy with the size.

    Beware of these people.  They seem happy in their pictures but really, they just want to flood your MySpace (your … my … space … doesn’t really work but oh well!) with sick and twisted lies!  ALL LIES!  xXx.Brenda.xXx, Dylan and !~!Steph!~! … I am on to you … and I know about all of your shenanigans!

     

    A Day at the Theatre May 19, 2007

    Filed under: Conversations,Humor,Movies,Strange Observations — pixystixy @ 2:17 pm

    Here is a dialogue I witnessed at a local movie theatre recently:

    A woman walks up to the movie theatre ticket window, with her husband following close behind her.

    Ticket Seller: Hello! How can I help you?

    (after an awkward silence)

    Woman: SPIDERMAN?

    (I don’t think she realized that she didn’t need to answer in the form of a question … it wasn’t Jeopardy … and I don’t think she knew that a normal volume would be sufficent)

    Ticket Seller: Did you want the 10:45 showing?

    Woman: YES. (she turned to her husband) Do you have cash?

    Husband pushes a $20 bill to the ticket seller.

    Ticket Seller: Just two tickets?

    Woman: YES. THANK YOU!

    It became obvious that this couple doesn’t go to the movies very often. I decided to wait to see Spiderman at a later date.

     

    My Feeling May 18, 2007

    Filed under: Humor,The "Feeler" theory — pixystixy @ 7:39 pm

    Most people who know me realize that I can only handle one emotion at a time. It’s not that I don’t want more than one, it is more or less that fact that I do get overwhelmed when I experience two or more dramatic emotions.

    I like to refer to my one allocated emotion at a time as “my feeling” or occasionally “my feeler” and sometimes that makes people think I am crazy. Sometimes I like to remind my friends or family that what they had just said or done has “hurt my feeling” and I hope they would stop.

    Very rarely does my feeling get hurt though. Most of the time I consider myself happy. It doesn’t really get sketchy until mood swings start happening. I try to avoid them at all costs but mood swings are like angry muggers who hold my feeler against its will at gunpoint. Mood swings take my feeler’s lunch money and then punch it in the face. My feeling … now disoriented and betrayed (yes, my FEELER can have more than one emotion, only I elect not to) starts making me do crazy things. It first makes me swear violiently and loud. Then it makes me sit and stare unproductively. Occasionally it then moves on to happier things but most of the time it goes through a two feeling rotation of angry and sadness for awhile first.

    Many people I am sure think that the single emotion system cannot support a completely normal individual and I am missing out on other things (like being happy AND in love) but the longer one thinks about it, the more I am sure they realize that usually having more than one emotion is overrated. Seriously, my life has become dramatically simplier since I began using this scientific system of organizing my emotion.

    I think that perhaps one day my theory of emotion will catch on. Maybe I should write a book about it and publish a chart of acceptable emotions one can feel one at a time. It will sort of rival the “pain chart” that hospitals use. Only instead of just a slightly annoyed face going to a screaming in agony face, it will have all sort of interesting emotional genres.

    Maybe my feeling chart will catch on and people will just point to how they feel instead of freaking out and punching people in the face for their lunch money. Wow. I could really make a difference in the world.

     

    The Death of a Moth May 17, 2007

    Filed under: Humor,Strange Observations — pixystixy @ 10:39 am

    Yesterday, while I was at work, I made an interesting discovery.

    I was speaking on the phone with an insurance agent when I felt a small breeze of air go by, right by my head. It was followed by a small thud hitting the paper I had been working on. It was a moth who was about the size of one of those pink erasers (so yes, he was really big!) and he had just landed on my desk, legs up. My first thought was that he must have died mid-flight.

    He, in fact, was not dead yet. He just landed there legs up, spreading that strange mothy wing dust all over so he could finish dying apparently. The moth began spasming and seemed to be having a little insect heart attack. It’s legs started to flail and thrash in every direction and I watched, horrified, as it’s body seemed to tighten up. Finally, he went limp.

    After staring blankly at him for a long time, I picked up my waste basket and started using a piece of paper to scoop him into it. As soon as the paper touched his little moth head, his body began to move again! I realized that he didn’t have a heart attack, he was having seizures. He must have been epileptic. Poor thing!

    Since I did not know of anything else I could do, I waited until his seizure stopped and threw him away. It was sort of a burial at sea. Only without any on lookers. And without the water. Come to think about it, it wasn’t like a burial at sea at all. Hmm.