Highlights from my journal (Week 1) August 27, 2007

“Since I have yet been able to master the art of communication, and I do not feel comfortable discussing my feelings with other people I started this journal.  I had a nervous breakdown today and I believe this will be somewhat therapeutic for me.

… (edited for content)  🙂

My main problem is that I feel emotionally damaged.  I always give, and give and give and when things don’t work out, I feel like pieces of my soul are lost forever because of it.

…

Today was interesting because I got to see Superbad with Chris.  It was an awesome movie and it really made me want to change my name to McLovin.  I am convinced that only good can come from that.

…

I want to start setting goals for myself.  Here are some recent ideas:

1.)  Learn to speak Polish fluently

2.)  Lose 10-15 pounds, just to feel healthier and happier

3.)  Smile more

The last one is most important to me.  I want people to see me as a happy and positive individual and smiling always helps with gaining confidence and trust with new people.  Being fluent in Polish is also important to me.  I will sort of feel like I am letting my heritage go if I don’t even try and my family worked so hard to come to this country and provide a life for my parents and for me I really want to hang on to that.”

Yes, that was the Reader’s Digest version and I left out all of the juicy personal details but it is definitely a step in the right direction for me.  Maybe I will build up enough confidence to one day feel better about putting the way I feel out there for everyone to see but this is just one little baby step at a time.

I couldn’t sleep … July 24, 2007

… so I decided to alphabetize my interests:

abercrombie boys, alligators, apple martinis, arizona, avoiding work, basketball, beautiful people, beauty, being blonde, being cheerful, being happy, being hot, being loud, being me, being positive, being with people, books, boys, brand new, bubble baths, bubble gum, bunnies, burn outs, camaros, candles, cars, cartoons, celebrity jeopardy, celicas, champagne, chapstick, cherries, cherry coke, chocolate, clothes, coach, conan o’brien, corona light, corvettes, cuddling, dancing, dogs, dragons, drinking, drinking water, driving, driving fast, eating, ebay, exploding dog, family, fashion, fast cars, fat tire, fiction, firebirds, flirting, flowers, foo fighters, football, friends, fun, getting dressed up, good kissers, grey goose, gucci, gummy bears, happy hour, having fun, high end cars, hip hop, hollister boys, hot boys, hot rods, hot wheels, hugs, ignoring people, jack and coke, jazz, joe cool, joe zombie, kissing, lemon martinis, lingerie, lip gloss, listening to music, literature, louis vuitton, makeup, making out, manchester united, manicures, martinis, meditation, meeting people, mongoose, movies, mr2s, music, new castle, new orleans, new york, nsx’s, parties, partying, perfection, pirates, pop rocks, prada, primered cars, punk, punk music, puppies, purses, rainy days, reading, rk sport, rock, rolling rock, scrubs, sex, sexy boys, sexy rap mixes, shooting stars, short skirts, silly string, skyy, sleeping, soccer, stars, string cheese, sunglasses, supras, swimming, swing music, taking pictures, tanning, tennis, tickling, trans ams, traveling, trouble, trucks, tucson, tuner cars, university of arizona, video games, vodka, volkswagons, whipped cream, zebras.

I will have to continue elaborating on this later.

Note to Self: Set more unobtainable goals … July 19, 2007

Here are some goals I want to reach by the end of the year:

1)  Lose ten pounds – not sure why, it just seems like a good idea

2)  Keep contributing to my savings account so one day I can buy a house

3)  Stay the way I am right now:  Upbeat, Charming and Amazing

I will have to keep reminding myself of these goals … I really want to do something special for myself next year.  I think I can make it out of my small rut I got myself into.  I feel good about life.  🙂

Definition – “Wigger” June 2, 2007

1.	wigger
	A male caucasion, usually born and raised in the suburbs that displays a strong desire to emulate African American Hip Hop culture and style through “Bling” fashion and generally accepted “thug life” guiding principles. Often characterized by his car, or “whip“: usually an econobox modified with at least twice the car’s book value in non-power producing modifications or an SUV with at least 5500 lbs. of curb weight. Traditional trucks can also qualify here, depending on locale (southern states’ percentages are higher). All vehicles are also mandated to have at least 19” chrome alloy wheels, regardless of make. The typical wigger is also characterized by a strong desire to adorn gold jewlery (especially heavy gold chains) and athletic warm up suits. All equipment and clothing will be paid for by the parents of the individual in question, or the parents of said individual’s “shorty” through the use of said shorty’s credit cards. A general disposition of “hard” will be displayed among other wiggers and to kids around their neighbohood (usually labelled a ‘subdivision’ or ‘gated community’ due to its mass produced housing develoment origins). This disposition will immediately be dropped and replaced by a more typical “white boy” disposition when in the presence of actual African Americans ( with exceptions: Those whose origins trace to the suburbs being the most prominant.). Wow, Tom’s 22″ wheels and his taste for flashy jewelry make him look like a real wigger.

Life could be better if … May 28, 2007

Life could be about a billion times better if you could order your friends and loved ones like sandwiches. Here is my example of a boyfriend sandwich:

• Fancy hair
• Funny
• Smart
• Slightly scruffy and unkempt
• Hold the disgustingly clingy behavior

And oh yeah, I definitely would like to get the extra value meal with the door openings and starter dinner and movie date. Can I get that super sized? =)

My Happy Place May 27, 2007

There are only a few things in life that make me truly happy. I have decided that one of the most wonderful ways to cheer yourself up is to list things so here are my top twenty-five things (in no particular order) that make me smile.

1. Bubble-gum
2. Gel pens
3. Hand sanitizer
4. My car (1996 Pontiac Firebird)
5. Quoting movie/TV/music lines or lyrics
6. Merry Chris Smith!
7. Iced Green Tea
8. Watches
9. The smell of rain
10. Vacuum cleaners
11. Jeffy
12. Cadillacs
13. Holidays of every sort
14. Political/Religious debates
15. Fancy cell phones
16. Jengi (she is a funny girl)
17. Skittles
18. Soccer
19. Drinking, smokin’, straight west coastin’
20. Video Games
21. Dawnya
22. Counting things
23. Laundry
24. Michael Bolton (the Office Space character, not the singer)
25. Randomly listing things