One thing that I have realized about myself is the fact that I am very different from almost everyone else I know. I feel like I am not as needy or as demanding as most people and I sometimes think to myself that everything is kind of out of control in the world around me and I can’t help but feel hopeless in just watching everything crumble around me.
I am very much a control freak. I have a lot of theories in my head about how things have to be done in order to be considered finished correctly. There is always an order, and a system and everything always falls into place. Yes, if something doesn’t work it drives me insane and I become useless trying to figure out why it did not work. I seriously am crazy like that, but at least no one else gets involved in my temporary insanity. I do pretty well on my own because I am very independent and it is one of my pet peeves when people try to get involved in helping me out.
I think I need to refocus myself on getting out of these habits again. I need to feel like it is all right to just leave things alone. Even if it will make me go crazy and I will feel like I am contributing to the world’s chaos I think I have to. At least then I will be a part of something bigger than myself?